I didn’t know what depression was before I had it myself. I thought it was just people being sad but, it’s more than that. Imagine not being able to leave the house or talk to people because your mind had given up on life. Imagine it not being in your control but, listening to a certain song and crying unstoppably. Imagine, not being able to do anything, at all. At all like, being able to work but not being able to work, at the same time. That’s how I was. I would sit at the computer for hours and not be able to do anything but cry uncontrollably.


I couldn’t think straight as my mind decided it wanted to process life and my thoughts at a much higher rate than normal. Not only that, I couldn’t see something without worrying about every aspect of it. After readying some hardcore psychology and strategy books, my mind completely changed. It felt like my mind had been ingrained with knowledge from the books as I was reading or listening to on a daily basis.


Due to the mindset I was in, I frequently got lost in an alternate reality that sometimes didn’t allow me to think straight.

During this period I did something that I like to call soulwashing. It’s pretty much brainwashing your self on such a high level is ingrained in your mind and becomes a daily habit which allows us to attribute it to coming from your soul. I saw things from a lense of life reflecting everything as if it were based around people trying to manipulate, infiltrate, or destroy me or others.

Information created from Derrion’s experiences.


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