Self Rebuild Process feat. Ballaxy
It started as a healing process for my some of the psychological issues I was facing. I lost something that I had and took it the wrong way. I still remember the sequence of events; I lost & felt pain, went home & cried, screamed into a pillow and felt like I died (More information on conditions). Before pulling my face on that pillow, it felt as though my brain was ripping apart. I’m sure that’s not exactly what happened but, at that point, I was beginning a new process of self healing to save my mind and soul from becoming the homeless person talking to himself at the gas station.
The first sign I had something wrong with me was this furious headaches that I couldn’t shake. I also couldn’t stop thinking about future & past memories that helped motivate me to live and enjoy what I was doing in the world (Motivation is Essential). The thoughts came more rapidly as time passed and it got to the point where it hurt my mind and I had to take breaks from life. I was also at a point where I didn’t have the ability to not cry for a lot of the day. For example, I couldn’t work without crying. It was a different type of crying as I could not control it at all. I got started building websites and between the crying (clinical depression) and what was going on with my thoughts, I didn’t have the ability to really do anything. As my situation progressed, I went through some tough times that got to me and added an anger build up inside of me. I tried to hold in my thoughts but, it got to the point where words of hate started to just shoot out my mouth uncontrollably.
I didn’t know how to handle it that my brain just didn’t work the way I wanted it to. I told myself to be normal and go out and socialize with people but, my broken brain told me to lay at home on the bed and cry for damn near 2 years. The reason I say broken brain is because, when I felt like my mind was ripping, I was entering a process similar to a broken bone. The solution was clear, I just didn’t see it right away. I needed rest and didn’t get it causing myself endure to a lot of stress which built up in my mind turning into hatred.
I’m not gonna say stayed inside the entire time. I had to build myself and my passion back up so I could get back on my feet and enjoy the world. I created an Instagram (check it out for more) which allowed me to regain my ability to communicate with people. I was able to get my IG account to 19.7k (It’s not anymore. Explained in the next section of this chapter) followers and an engaged following on Snapchat which helped out a lot.
From there I really began building Ballaxy. It was interested in Marketing and Website Building as well as basketball so I figured out a way to put them all together. Over the years I had some trial and error which I was able to learn from. I learned so much that I wanted to teach it to kids myself. I started a new style of basketball business that was scheduled to be the next big thing.
While dealing with this, I had a lot other things going on in my mind: